Chapter 1283: Scarred heart and broken soul
She smiled and expelled a heavy breath. She was exhausted, but she did not mind as she placed the last item inside the bag before she closed the lid and zipped her bag.
She felt today's event was exciting, tiring, yet fulfilling. It made her realize that her life had not stopped. She just put it on pause. And now, it was time to resume it again.
"Good. You are still awake." A little voice spoke behind her. She was slightly surprised that somebody was still up since it was late, but fortunately, she recognized his tone.
When she turned around, she found Fabio by the door, peeking his adorable head through the tiny opening.
"And why are you still awake, young man." She asked as she looked at him, wondering what he was doing roaming the hallway.
She reached for her phone and checked the time, knowing it was past his bedtime. And it was already past midnight, just as she had expected.
She smiled at his handsome face as she beckoned him to enter her room, ready to find out what was wrong with him.
"I could not sleep. I had a nightmare. Then, I went to ask for water. When I returned to my room, I noticed your lights were still on." Fabio explained why he was still standing before her.
She guessed that was a feasible story. Besides, it was not like Fabio to tell lies. But she was glad that he seemed alright despite his horrible dreams.
She could only imagine what was going through these kids' minds at night, recalling the stories she had heard about their pasts. Her problems appeared to be so insignificant compared to theirs.
"Would you like to tell me about your dream?" She asked the little man, hoping to help him return to sleep with no more incidents.
She wished to do more for these kids, but sadly, she could only do so much. But she already had a plan for Fabio. She hoped that it would work.
"No. It is nothing important. It was just some silly dream." He quickly dismissed it, acting like it did not affect him much.
She always found the boy too wise for his age. He seemed to have such a profound wisdom that was beyond his years.
Sister Nenita told her he had always been curious about many things. The little child loved to explore and ask questions.
"Ok. Do you want to talk about something else?" She thought he might have a reason to knock on her door. And she doubted that he only came here to say goodnight.
She could see how his eyeballs swirled in their sockets. She believed he was thinking deeply, something she had never seen from kids his age.
"As a matter of fact..." He turned to face her as he paused, probably to check on her expression. "I came here to ask you something." He continued after gauging her mood.
Suddenly, she was alert and curious about what he liked to know. She had always enjoyed their small conversations. She loved answering his unending questions.
"Sure. I think we can talk for a few minutes." She had checked the clock, thinking it was late. "Fire away."
Nonetheless, she believed it would not hurt to spare him some time before going to bed. Maybe it would save him from his nightmare.
"Are you leaving us, Serena?" He eventually expressed what was on his mind.
She was not surprised by the question. She guessed she was expecting it. But she could not stop the sudden pain inside her chest when she saw the raw sadness in his eyes.
It was like a hand gripped her heart and started squeezing it tightly. She found it hard not to feel guilty for causing pain to this innocent child.
"Yes," Serena honestly answered him as she looked directly into his beautiful bright blue eyes.
She had already made her decision. Was it the right one? Was she ready to return to her life? She had no definite answer to her question. But she would like to try for Adam.
Still, she hated to leave, knowing how much that would affect these kids. They already had a severe case of abandonment issues. Then, here she was, adding to their trauma.
"Oh!" Fabio said with a defeated smile as he bowed his head and stared at the floor.
Her heart melted at the scene, seeing how broken he felt at her response. She wanted to envelop him in her embrace but did not know if that would help.
She had never been in this kind of situation before. She had never dealt with kids and goodbyes. She never thought it would be this hard.
"Come here and sit with me." She called to the small boy when he stepped inside her room but hesitated to move closer.
He just stood there, preferring to stare at the floor than look at her. But could she blame him when his parents left him?
She admitted she had no idea what he was going through. Her problems were different from his. Therefore, she could not put herself in his shoes.
"Would you mind handing me that hat?" She pointed to the item that hung on a hook by the door, choosing a different tactic.
Finally, she tricked him. It made him move, giving him no choice but to come closer to her. Then, he lifted his strong arms to give her the hat.
"Here." He said, looking like he just lost on a game or something with his long face.
He handed her the hat she usually used to disguise herself as one of the locals when she went out with the kids.
She took it from him and stared at the design and the logo at the side. It was not the usual brand she wore. Truthfully, it did not cost that much, but it was priceless because it reminded her of the many memories she had in the past.
"Hey, why the sad face?" She asked when her eyes caught the curve of his lips and the depth of his eyes. "I am leaving, but I promise to return whenever possible."
He was not about to cry, but she noticed the gloominess surrounding him. But, of course, she felt responsible for it.
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She knew returning would be challenging if she planned to return to acting. Her time would be tight, especially if she wanted to squeeze a relationship with Adam and her plan to adopt Ken.
"But it will not be the same without you here." He stubbornly said as he finally sat beside her on the edge of the bed.
He had difficulty getting comfortable, so she helped him until he settled on her tiny bed. Suddenly, she looked around her room, wondering how she survived to stay in this place.
It was far from the comfort she was used to. It did not have the luxuries of her home or the hotels she stayed on. It barely had her necessities.
Still, she survived because she saw the strength of these children. They were fighting every day for their lives but never gave up.
"I know, but you still have the Sisters and your friends. And I promise I will always be here for you." She knew she should not be making promises she could not keep.
Nevertheless, she could not help it. She could not hurt the child more by disappointing him again. However, she had every intention of keeping her promise and more.
"You are just saying that. We heard that many times before. But they never came back." He said with determination and a hint of anger.
With that said, he stood up, ready to go, but she stopped him. She did not want him to leave, thinking she was like the rest of them.
She did not want him to lose hope of a better future. That there was a wonderful life after all he had gone through at a young age.
"Do you believe that I am like them? Do you think I will break my promise?" Serena asked him, pondering if he considered that in his heart.
Of course, she could not blame him if he did. He was a product of broken promises. He had wounds that were deeper than hers. He had war stories that would mock hers, nightmares that could cripple the soul.
Therefore, she could only understand what he felt but could never claim to know his fears and apprehensions.
"No." He hesitantly answered as he finally tilted his head to look at her. "I don't think you are like them." He acknowledged, making her feel relieved.
She did not want him to think she would abandon him like his parents or the others. Still, she could not promise him something she could not give.
"And I am not." She confirmed his statement. "Now, give me a hug." She opened her arms to him, waiting for him to take it.
It only took him seconds before he stepped forward and allowed her to hug him. Eventually, she felt his small arms as they wrapped around her neck.
"Promise you will never be like them." He voiced out his worries. "You will come back to visit us." It was such a small request. So, how could she ever deny it?
She tightened her arms around him just firmly enough to make him feel how important he was to her. She wanted to reassure him of how she felt about him and the other kids in the orphanage.
"Of course, I will come by to visit." She placed the hat on top of his tiny head. "I want you to have this and keep it safe until I return."
She wished she could have the chance to heal the wounds that crashed his hope for a better future. She liked to restore his faith in humanity and mend his scarred heart and broken soul.