The Principle of a Philosopher by Eternal Fool “Asley”

Chapter 112: Oh, God, Save Me

~~Twenty-Nine Past Two in the Afternoon, Thirtieth Day of the Third Month, Ninety-Fourth Year of the War Demon Calendar~~

I am Tarawo.

My Master is Tifa.

This place is the Magic University, a facility for humans to teach magic to one another.

Tifa and I live in this University, in a part of it called the Women’s Dormitory. This makes me wonder why humans feel such a need to keep males and females apart from each other. Have they forgotten the omnivorous creatures’ instinctive desire to sow the seeds for the next generation? I don’t understand. I don’t understand at all. However, there is one thing that I have come to wonder recently. Could it be that humans possess a significantly different capacity for emotion from us animals and monsters?

That is what this one girl told me as she proceeded to indulge herself with scratching my chin.

In response, I licked her hand, carried away by how good the first stroke felt.

“Hyah – ahaha, that tickles!”

“Now, Anri, it is about time you switched with me.”

“Boo… Just a little bit longer, yeah? C’mon, Claris. Pretty please?”

“My, you are always such a handful…”

Hmph, you do realize that my chin will not be going anywhere regardless of how much you want to keep it to yourself, yes? Hohohohoho… Good, very good. That hit the spot.

“Say, have you heard? Asley just left for the Rank S evaluation test some days ago.”

“Goodness, how can you be so forgetful? You have already brought that up at least three times.”

“Huh? Really? Hmm, I might’ve not paid enough attention there…”

“Anri… If I’d known that you liked him that much, I would have given you my full support a long time ago…”

“Huh-?! No, no! Err – that’s not what that is…”

“Then what is ‘that’ you speak of?”

Asley… I’ve been hearing that quite often ever since we moved to live in the Magic University. Apparently, the name refers to a man. I wonder what he’s like.

He has been talked about by a good number of notable characters. The young woman called Lina, the young man called Hornel, the woman called Idéa, the man called Midors. Even that one professor called Trace.

Perhaps he’s a celebrity among humans? If so, then it’s a surprise that I’ve never heard of him previously.

The way all of them spoke suggested an overwhelmingly favorable opinion on the individual in question. Well, not quite – the one called Hornel did have a slightly different reaction to that name. Not what I would consider a hostility, but definitely some sort of opposition.

If only that boy possessed my wisdom, he could have easily done away with any issues he might have. Heh heh heh… ah, yes, the day I dominate this world draws near. So very near. Heh heh heh…

(Xemul: Could that be that this doggo is in reality a Devil King in his fetus state?! :o)

From what I’m hearing, this Claris girl also seems to have a considerably favorable opinion about the Asley person. It is quite clever of her – a human brand of clever, at that – to hide that fact from her friend Anri while instead prodding the latter to expose the true nature of her feelings.

“Huhuhuhu, whatever are you blushing for?”

“So you see… back when I first entered school, I thought Asley was kind of a man-child, but after seeing him fight against Lina and then hearing ‘that story’ from Miss Irene, my opinion of him just… changed. Like, I came to respect him, in a way? Or something like that.”

Heh heh heh… now that is an adorable, innocent smile you ought to have.

Not bad, girl. Not bad at all.

“Well then, why don’t we drop by the Pochisley Agency and catch up on things with him at a later date?”

“What?! L-let’s not! It’s gonna turn awkward real fast, I say!”

A sense of shame… yes, that’s it. Judging from how shaken she is, that must be its true nature.

Perhaps this shade of emotion is one of the factors that prompted the humans to separate their males from females.

“If you are not going, then I will go by myself, all right?”

“Ah-! No fair, Claris! Wait, don’t tell me you’re…?!”

“Huhuhuhuhu, who knows? It is better left to your imagination, is it not?”

Oh-ho, turns out she isn’t hiding her feelings at all, is she?

I see – there is a give-and-take dynamic between friends, and the degree of that give-and-take determines whether or not they are true friends.

This could be what lies higher than creatures’ mere cleverness – intelligence.

Heh heh heh, one who is able to reach such a conclusion is the one who deserves to reign supreme, I say!

…Speaking of which, since these two started talking about that Asley, they completely separated their hands from my chin.

I will never live this down… I will never live this down, you hear me?! Just you wait… Asley!

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

~~Eight O’clock in the Afternoon, Thirty-First Day of the Third Month, Ninety-Fourth Year of the War Demon Calendar~~

“Tifa… don’t you think you’re walking too fast? Did you not put my pace into consideration at all?”

“I did say that you could just wait back there, you know…”

“But then I would feel lonely – I mean, I can’t possibly let that be! When I heard that you were going to break the rules and slip out of your lodging, I knew that I was obligated to follow you! As a Familiar, I must put your safety above all else!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“So? What monster mock will we rip and tear tonight? Heh heh heh… this is exciting. My blood is boiling!”

“Just do what you want.”

“Oh-oh, so you’re having me make the choice. Heh heh heh… very well…… wait, what?”

“I’ve got somewhere to be in this town. That’s why I said you didn’t have to come along. Did you miss that part or something?”

“No, I cannot afford to do that!”

“Sit.”

“Hmph! How’s this?!”

“All right, now just stay put. I’ll be back here… let’s see… around nine in the morning.”

“AHHHH-! W-wait! There’s… ‘that’ to consider!”

“What’s ‘that’?”

T-this girl… does she have a history of murdering her own kind?!

I mean, just look at that terrifying glare she’s making!

My lungs are so pressured that I’m already having breathing difficulties!

“I-I mean, you’re a small girl, Tifa. And Beilanea is a town full of adventurers with robust bodies, you see. So I… NGH-?! WHY ARE YOU STRANGLING ME?!”

“Did you just call me… SMALL?!”

T-this girl… how many hundreds of her kind has she killed?!

Those are the eyes of a destroyer! Oh, no – I’ve seen something like this before! Back when I was still called the King Wolf Garm… the dreadful monster that appeared before me, presumably due to the fame to my name – the Living Dead King. Its pitch-black, hollow eyes it had when it confronted me – she’s got THOSE eyes, too!

This is bad… very bad! She’s totally going to kill me!

“T-that’s right! You’re one of the shortest around here! Ah, and I’d say your chest is a bit smaller compared to those of the other ladies back at the dormitory! Are you amazed by my analytical eyes now?! HAHAHAHA! …Huh?”

Why… why does the hostility in Tifa’s eyes exceed that of the king of the dead now?!

How did she exceed even the fearful aura of the Living Dead King, an SS-ranked monster by the humans’ standards?

Do the humans actually have such a powerful individual among them?!

Heh heh heh… how dreadful! But however dreadful Tifa may be… if I can only manipulate her, then the world will belong to me in no time!

“……Tarawo.”

“Heh heh heh, what is it, Tifa? Are you finally going to prepare a plan for our world domination project?! Very well!”

“Die.”

“Very well! …Wait, what?”

“Die. Right now? In five seconds? In ten seconds?”

…Oh, God, save me.

“Wh-whwhwhwhwhwhat’re you joking about, Tifa?! As you are my Master, you’re sure to have difficulties without me around! You’d best not to joke about such a disturbing topic… hahahaha… haha… hmm?”

“Whenever you’re ready, all right?”

W-why does she look so serious?! Isn’t that, like, scary enough to drive away an Ogre King?! How, oh how did my Master Tifa get this angry?! Remember, me! What in the world did I say to her in the heat of the moment?! T-that’s it! Tifa was reacting to the world ‘small’! And so I answered her… honestly! I didn’t think I was making the wrong choice there!

But the fact that she’s angry now means I must have chosen wrong! I didn’t say anything incorrect, but in her eyes, I was wrong! That must be it!

So what now?! How can I even apologize to her?! And about what first?! What I said about her height?! Or her chest?!

Ah – perhaps both?!

If so, then I must have made a terrible mistake. B-but she did have a weaker reaction when I started off commenting about her height! If she was so sensitive about that, then she undoubtedly would have stopped me from talking right then! Considering that, the answer is clear as day! Her chest! But why?! I don’t understand! I don’t understand at all!

It seems that I have no choice but to play the role of a Familiar who cares for his Master above all else.

Be it beasts, monsters, or humans, all living creature should possess the capacity for expressing motherly care inside them!

Do it! Tarawo, Familiar of Tifa! With my four paws, nothing is impossible!

“Heh heh heh… listen well, Tifa. Do not concern yourself with the size of your chest, for it is not a major factor in your ability to create offspring. On the contrary, you currently hold a good number of advantages. Now, I shall lend you a piece of my extensive wisdom. For example… if you were to be attacked from your sides – as unlikely as that actually is – then I will be able to use my breath attack to cover you. With your speed, you will be able to avoid that unharmed, of course. But with a larger chest, you have a higher hitbox, and thus are more likely to be grazed by the attack. In other words, having a smaller chest increases your chances of survival! Don’t you agree, Tifa?”

“…DIE…”

…Oh, God, save me.